PunkKittyDiddy

Confessions of a Thematically Unfaithful, Topic-Hopping Word Floozy

In the ongoing attempt to forge a career as a writer, I'm learning that it can help to be topically focused.  More than one of my web-savvy friends has gently noted that perhaps my A.D.D.-riddled approach to blogging could have something to do with why a really cool blog-promoting service recently rebuffed my advances.  The site's FAQ page did list uncategorizability (this is probably not a real word, but it so beautifully conveys a sense of categorical defiance, does it not?) as one of several deadly and rejection-worthy sins, so I'm thinking maybe the universe is trying to teach me a lesson about focus.  If I could tear myself away from staring at that squirrel in the tree outside my window, I'd probably come to the realization that the universe is making a good point. 

Admittedly, writing about parenting, and cheesy B horror flicks, and British sitcoms, and my food fetishes, and random filler news stories culled from the back pages of assorted news sites, and the lack of parking in my neighborhood, and odd gadgets being hawked on late-night infomercials, and the moths in my sock drawer, amongst other things, could come across as naught but scattershot balderdash to many time-pressed editors. 

Topical promiscuity?  Guilty as charged.

While I fully intend to keep this blog up and running, because I do enjoy a good blather about hooey and poppycock, I think it would be worthwhile to rise to the challenge of creating a second, more topically focused blog as well.  Not simply to have a show pony I can trot out for purposes of professional advancement, but also because I'm frankly curious as to whether I even have it in me to be thematically single-minded.  I think this would be a great character building adventure.

I've been moseying around the blogosphere, trying to get a feel for how specific I ought to get - how specific is specific enough? - and I'm impressed with, though simultaneously daunted by, how a good number of my fellow bloggers are wielding laser-sharp focus like a finely honed samurai sword.  And even blogs with seemingly hyper-specialized aim have their fair share of competition.  There's a whole sub-genre of medieval blogs, for instance.  Medieval blogs!  Who knew?  I mean, besides those people who hawk mutton legs and ale from behind the counter of a small booth or who otherwise devote their lives to attending Renaissance Faires around the country.

It's not as if coming up with a unique concept is difficult.  I could decide to blog about Mayan temples haunted by ghosts of narcoleptic one-eyed vineyard owners named Greg, and probably claim the distinction of most unique blog topic in the process..........at least temporarily until some rival blogger commandeers the concept and launches a blog about Mayan temples haunted by ghosts of narcoleptic one-eyed vineyard owners named Steve, which would at some point be inevitable. 

However, having specialized subject matter is one thing.  Having something to say on a regular basis about specialized subject matter is another thing altogether.  Being passionate about and having something to say on a regular basis about specialized subject matter is of course the ideal.      

I've been mulling over this conundrum for a good two months now.  (I must however confess to only mulling over it intermittently, when not mulling over food, and babies, and movies, and the lack of parking in our neighborhood, and......)  Still 100% stumped as to where to pledge my topical allegiance.  There are so many interesting!shiny!fun!irresistable! topics out there.  Too many.

I'm pretty sure I shouldn't launch my rocket into the parenting blogosphere.  The parenting blogs out there are legion, there are already some damn great ones, and I'm not sure I have anything unique enough to add.  (For the record, this dad blogger remains my favorite of all time.  He blogs on a jedi level.  He's that good.  It's insane.)  But beyond that.....uh........yeah........what was I saying?

Clearly my ability to focus requires additional fine-tuning.  Quelle surprise.

Damn it, I'm determined to triumph in this quest to carve out a single-minded niche of my own.  I just have to narrow it down a bit more than, "Something besides parenting."  If that damn squirrel outside my window would stop putting on such a good show, I'm sure I'd be well on my way...................

Stupid squirrel.

Unconventional Reading Material

A friend of mine asked if there was any way I could upload a certain short film I wrote and directed so she could watch it - either here amidst the verbal spewfest, or elsewhere.  The short answer to that is, yes, there probably is a way I could upload it.  Unfortunately, I don't know how to.  I've made about a dozen attempts thus far to pull this off, to no avail.  We could chalk this failure up to my technical ineptitude.  However, I'd like to sidestep that particular theory and point a finger of blame at my computer, which harkens from the Cretaceous Period.  It makes hissing sounds and emits lots of smoke if I so much as save a particularly large document (i.e., anything longer than a greeting card) to the hard drive.  Needless to say, it really, really, really doesn't like it when I try to upload a 13 minute film.

However, for you, H.S., Here is the script, for your reading pleasure!  If anyone else is particularly bored today and would like to read along, feel free!  For the uninitiated, it's entitled, "Unconventional Habits."  'Twas a mockumentary about a nun with Tourette's Syndrome. 

Then again, perhaps it's a good thing I can't upload the film version.  The end result was OK, but not brilliant, in no small part due to the fact that I sucked moderately hard as a director, and only slightly less so as a co-producer.  Despite this PunkKittyDiddy-shaped handicap ensconced behind the camera while on set, Miss Bex still managed to be brilliant in her portrayal of the potty-mouthed nun (and was equally brilliant as a co-producer, for that matter).  The rest of the cast and crew also worked wonders given the lack of mad directing skillz I wielded.  I learned the hard way that I am but a simple girl, and I oughta stick to writing!  As a side note, Bex has vowed to teach herself Final Cut and re-edit our little opus, which heck, could also make it more watchable.

Still, I'm sure somewhere out there, Marty Scorsese is breathing a little easier with me permanently out of the running for that Best Director statue in this lifetime.......

OK, OK.  Not.

The Green-Eyed Monster Not Only Attacks, It Gives Lap Dances.....

OK, OK, I confess......ever since I saw her on the Oprah show, I've been more than a little envious of Juno screenwriter Diablo Cody's recent success.  I don't begrudge her that success.....by all accounts, the movie is brilliantly written - adding it to my Netflix list is the best I can do at the moment in an attempt to one day confirm this. In the meantime, I checked out her blog, and yes, she's an incredibly funny and saucy writer.  See, her blog got the attention of some power agent type guy (or someone of similar influence - they were a bit hazy with detail here), who helped her land a book deal, and he further encouraged her to write her first screenplay, which he shopped around for her, and voila - Juno has since hit the big screen. 

I can take the time to temporarily swallow my pride and throw a heartfelt, "You go, girl!" in her general direction.  But yeah, of course I'm envious.  I've been schlepping screenplays around for several years or so, and pitching novels a bit longer - alright, fine........ not consistently, no, but there've been some concentrated bursts of near-ambition on a semi-regular basis.  And I'm still trying, damn it!  It's not like success is a finite resource, either.  (Well, maybe measurable success is in limited supply if you're an Olympic gymnast specializing in twisting yourself into a pretzel while balancing on parallel bars, and you don't win the gold medal given out for the best pretzel-twisting parallel bar performance, because there IS only one gold medal doled out every four years in that particular example, but besides that......there's enough success to go around for those of us with slightly less specialized talents.)  So, one day, victory can be mine as well! 

The thing is, how did this power agent type guy find his way to Cody's blog?  Please tell me it's sheer coincidence, or some sort of innocent mix-up, that her blog happens to be entitled, "Pussy Ranch." I mean, maybe this guy is a cat person, and was surfing for pictures of cute fuzzy kittens, and he naively but understandably believed that "Pussy Ranch" guaranteed a good time perusing pics of cute fuzzy kittens in chaps and cowboy hats, or with ponies, at the rodeo, or something.  That could be the case, right?   

On the other hand, Cody did used to be a stripper, and began blogging about her experiences - with tremendous wit and a unique voice, absolutely, but it can't hurt to be describing lap dances instead of dirty diapers or bad television when looking to expand readership.  It's hard not to be further disheartened by the fact that this agent who discovered her might very well have been one of only five power agents on the planet who was spending his online time actually going to the trouble of reading about stripping, instead of just cutting out the middle man and surfing porn sites directly.

Maybe I should change the name of my blog to Big Titty Diddy?

Come on, admit it - that's catchy......

NINJA SECRETARY

  I got my Halloween costume the other day.  I'm gonna be a ninja!  Why?  It just seems like a natural fit for me.  No, I don't possess ninja stealth or grace or wisdom or mysticism or anything, but....er...OK, maybe it wasn't an obvious choice.  I've just always wanted to be a ninja, I guess.  Anyway - it gave me a silly idea for a short screenplay, which I squeezed out of my wee brain this afternoon:

Download ninja_secretary.doc

It's merely the first draft......needs a bit of fine-tuning, but it was nice to get the idea out of my head and onto the page.  I felt ever so slightly more writerly afterward (it's healthy to take an occasional break from feeling mom-ly, 24/7), and it cleared out a bit of brainspace for the next daft idea that'll come along.

Stay tuned for draft #2.......