What I've Learned From The World Cup So Far

1. Never prance around in a big budget, globally telecast TV commercial in which you're depicted as an invincible immortal before you've won the top prize.  (I'm talking to you, Rooney.)
2. Bragging about what you're capable of diverts energy away from proving what you're capable of.
3. There is no such thing as a sure thing.
4. No matter how confident you are that God is on your side, try to get it in writing* before you proclaim it to the world.  (* Burning bush, parted sea, or comparable token gesture may be substituted for written contract....at your peril.)
5. Watching penalty shoot-outs after having consumed four or more cups of coffee within a two hour time frame is ill advised.
6. Mutiny is only effective if you have a pirate ship, a plank, and shark-infested waters at your immediate disposal.  It's also probably more convincing if your name is "Blackbeard" or "One Eyed Jack," not "Patrice."
7. I should buy stocks in the largest global manufacturer of body paint before 2014.
8. I should buy stocks in the largest global manufacturer of silly wigs before 2014.
9. I need to invent a more obnoxious noisemaker than the vuvuzela, manufacture it, and market it globally before 2014.  We'll trademark it and call it the "Pernicious Piehole Pipe of Perturbation," because it will be amusing to force sports commentators to say that repeatedly.  Who's with me?!?!?!?!?