Admit it. It's a great freakin' idea.
Now if I weren't already reasonably sure that Christopher Walken hasn't opened some sort of etiquette-focused finishing school for girls, I would suspect that little Z. (who is now the ripe old age of three and a half) has been stealing money from my purse and spending it on tuition at such a place.
Not to digress, but.........am I dating myself for even using the term, "finishing school"? Although, in this era in which ladies of a certain elementary school age are more likely to pack heat than know which one is the salad fork, maybe Christopher Walken would be a more relevant tutor than, say, Emily Post.
Back on topic: Z. is blossoming into a friendly, albeit fearless, little lady. Alas, it's a sad commentary of our times (or maybe just of life in Los Angeles) that she'll often approach others (kids and adults alike) to say, "Hi!" and gets no response. She routinely gets blanked. People stare back at her like she's mugging them for milk money. I get that we don't live in Mayberry, but are manners that out of vogue? Would it kill people to stop sipping their half-fat grande lattes (yes, even the kids on the playground are hipsters) long enough to say hello back?
It's OK, though. She's come up with a solution. It's a tad tough love, but hey - a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.
Today we were browsing in Marshall's, and Z. walked up to a random lady. "Hi!" Z. said. The lady looked at her with a "Does not compute" expression, then redirected her attention back to lovingly caressing the impressive assortment of polyester blouses in front of her.
Z. persisted with another "Hi!" Still no response.
Z.'s eyes got wide. Buggy, Christopher Walken-manning-the-phone-lines-of-the-Psychic-Friends-Network-in-that-SNL-sketch wide. Actually, it wasn't just in her eyes. She was channeling him.
She says to this lady, in a slightly unstable tone, "I SAID HI! YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO SAY HI BACK!"
I'm pleased to report that this is how you get a response to an attempt at casual conversation in the greater Los Angeles area.
Z. then proceeds to browbeat this total stranger into having an actual conversation with her. Just to make a point, I think. She normally doesn't give a rat's ass what most adults have to say beyond "Hi."
Sheer genius. Usually I try to keep Z. from harassing innocent bystanders, but I'm sorry - that broad had it coming. If she'd just said hi back, things wouldn't have had to escalate into full conversation mode.
I shudder to think how Z. will react when someone uses the wrong salad fork. Plus, now I can vividly imagine taking her to the symphony, resplendent in a fancy dress and perhaps even gloves, only to have her suddenly shriek, "MORE COWBELL!"
Stay tuned.....
