A Wright-Thinking Individual

Stephen Wright is the bomb......a veritable one-man factory of pithy patter, and seeing as how a particulary clever turn of phrase nearly always renders me rapturous, he's one of my all-time favorites.   

But why is this relevant? 

Because, as usual, at least of late, I'm having a little trouble warming up this morning (night owl, here), so I thought I'd temporarily distract you by grabbing a handful of Wright-isms and scattering 'em in your face........check back for original content perhaps later on today.  (Eh, who am I fooling?  Maybe tomorrow....)

And, in the interim, enjoy these:

"All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand."

"How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?"

"When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane."

"Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines."

"What happens if you get scared half to death twice?"

"If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you."

"If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments."

"I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize."

"Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back."

"Officer, I know I was going faster than 55 MPH, but I wasn't going to be on the
road an hour. "

"I have two very rare photographs.  One is a picture of Houdini locking his keys in his car.  The other is a rare photograph of Norman Rockwell beating up a child."

"What's another word for Thesaurus?"

"If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?"

"If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?"

"I brought a mirror to Lover's Lane.  I told everybody I'm Narcissus."

"Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the
ocean would be if that didn't happen."

"I wish my first word was 'quote', so when I died I could say 'un-quote'."

And finally:

"I intend to live forever - so far, so good....."